The Year of the Raven
by Zeus-tfc
Summary: It aint easy being a half-demon, but living with your best friends, and getting to save the world sure makes it easier. Raven is discovering that even though her life is better than she thought possible, life by its very nature is not static. Changes are on the horizon, and with them come new challenges and new possibilities. She might get her heart's desire. She might lose it all.
1. Chapter 1

Teen Titans and all associated trademarks are property of DC Entertainment Inc. and its parent corporation Warner Bros. Entertainment. They are used here without permission.

The Year of the Raven

Chapter 1

Breath in.

It was a nice knife, as knives went. It was a decent size, and from the way the crook handled it, it looked well balanced, too.

Breath out.

From the edge digging into Raven's neck, and the telltale trick of blood she felt, it seemed pretty sharp too. Yes, it seemed like a very nice knife.

"I swear, you make one move and I'll slit her throat! Don't mess with me!" the panicked criminal shouted.

Breath in.

Neither the knife nor the crook really bothered her, if Raven was honest with herself. Sure, she was a little shaken from letting him get the drop on her, but if she hadn't been having a 'bad emotions day', and let herself get distracted, it never would have been an issue.

Breath out.

Most teens only had to worry about bad hair days, when they didn't look or feel as attractive. Raven had to worry about bad emotion days, when her control was shaky, and she might slip and kill someone. Or someones. Or everyones.

She gave a mental sigh. There were days she hated being a half demon. Most days she did, in fact.

To make matters worse, her powers were getting stronger. She's normally count that as a good thing, especially after the whole Trigon thing was resolved, and she could express herself a little more. Unfortunately, with the increase in power came a need for an increase in control. She still wasn't as bad as she'd been originally; she'd learned the difference between control and repression, but she couldn't be as open as she wanted anymore.

Breath in.

"I'm serious! I'm not kidding around! I'll do it! Just back off, and let me leave."

Raven wondered idly where Beast Boy was. She could feel his concern emanating from him. Was he sneaking up behind the crook in a smaller shape, ready to get the drop on him? Was he simply lying in wait, watching for a chance to act, but afraid to do anything that would get Raven hurt? He was a good friend. He was probably just watching, wondering why Raven hadn't acted yet. She had to act soon, though. Good friends could be needlessly selfless on occasion. It wouldn't do to get him hurt.

Breath out.

The knife pressed harder against her throat. Raven was going to have to act soon one way or another. The crook was panicking. His fear was palpable, and fear always made people more dangerous, more willing to take risks. More willing to kill.

Raven tried not to think about that. She let the thoughts slide through her, taking any worry or fear with it, leaving nothing. She needed to center herself. She needed to be calm.

Ah. There it was. There was her center, and with it, everything.

Breath in.

As she inhaled a strong breath, she summoned her magic. It filled her immediately, eager to be unleashed.

It sang to her. It crackled its energy over her skin, caressing her, and setting her nerve endings on fire. It whispered in her ear. It spoke of wondrous things. It promised her power, beauty, fame. It promised her all her heart's desires, if only she would let go of her control.

With practiced ease she clamped down with ruthlessly rigid control, cowing her magic into obedience. She controlled the magic. The magic did not control her.

"Any last words, freak?" the crook asked her.

"Yes," she said calmly. "Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos!"

With those words as a focus, she sent a shockwave of force in all directions, sending the arms around her flailing back, and shoving the crook reeling backwards.

She demurely stepped forward away from the stunned criminal. She'd probably pulled his arms out of their sockets, but he'd live.

"All yours," she said.

After that, it was over quickly.

Raven stood away from the others for a moment, trying to make sure she maintained her calm state as the team secured the crook for the police, and potentially EMS to pick up.

As she waited, she caught Robin throwing glares in her direction. It was time for some team relationship maintenance.

"Robin," she said, capturing his attention. "I'm sorry if I worried you. I was a little rattled, and needed to center myself before I acted." She gave a small smile as a peace offering.

"You could have been killed, Raven! Why didn't you do something?" he asked. "You just sat there!"

"I wasn't just sitting there, I was centering myself. I wasn't in any danger. I could have acted at any time to protect myself. I just needed some time. If I'd acted while I was riled up, I could have killed him. You know how my emotions can be."

"Yeah, I know," he said, calming. "It's just..."

"I know. You were worried about me," she said. "It means a lot to me that you care that much. I'm sorry I worried you."

She offered another small smile.

This time she got one in return.

"I guess I was being a little silly," Robin said.

"Why? 'Cause you were worried about your teammate? That's what makes you a good leader," she replied.

Their eyes locked for a brief moment, a moment that seemed like forever, yet was far too short, before something inevitably drew Robin's attention away. Raven felt warm for during the trip back to the tower.

Everyone's emotions were still running high, even after the trip back to the Tower. The smell of adrenaline was thick in the air.

Raven gave a sigh. She knew what was coming, and there was no avoiding it. It was only a matter of time.

"AAAAAAAAAWWW YEEEEEAH! It's STANKBALL time, baby!" Cyborg shouted, lobbing a mass of dirty laundry at Beast Boy.

The game was on.

Aaaand, there it was. Raven sighed again. She shrugged slightly to herself, and deflected an incoming odorous projectile back at Starfire, who was squealing with joy. Joy that was not diminished in the least by being thwacked with a wad of stinky clothing.

Even Robin seemed to be in on the action. His eyes were sparkling with mischief and delight as he dodged a ball o' stank, and dove for its landing site to return fire.

Raven idly wondered if Stankball actually had rules.

She deflected another mass, but was pelted in the head from behind. She turned to see Beast Boy doing a little celebratory dance. The dance was cut short as Raven let go of the pile she gripped in her magic, and dropped the heap on his head.

She dodged another missile, wondering if she really wanted to know what held the stankball together. Probably not she decided. She bobbed, avoiding a face full of stinky socks. In the midst of it all she realized she was actually enjoying herself.

The game continued, the air filling with various missiles and mortars, until finally the teens began to tire.

The teens were draped over various pieces of furniture. Starfire lay across the back of the couch. She glowed, positively radiant from the exertion. The fact that she looked so attractive, no matter the circumstances was a constant source of wonder and, if Raven were again honest with herself, envy. When Raven was exhausted, she felt and looked like a limp dishrag. Starfire could be doused with raw sewage, walk into a crowded room, and still have boys fawning over her.

Raven wondered if she did it on purpose. Probably not, she decided. Tamaranians were culturally more open about their bodies and their sexuality. In contrast, the Azarathian monks that raised Raven were decidedly ascetic.

Raven sighed to herself. There was no use blaming, or ranting to anyone. Things were the way they were. She didn't, couldn't, hate Starfire for who she was. Starfire was too open, too free, too caring, too transparent to hate. She cared for her friends with an open love that left no room for embarrassment or subterfuge; a love that flowed from her whole being.

No, Raven couldn't hate her. She could, however, envy her.

Raven looked around at her friends, all panting and smiling as they lay on various chairs and sofas. Their eyes were half closed from the tiredness which filled the holes the adrenaline left. The evening was winding down. It was as good a time as any to meditate.

She stood. The sudden movement drew her friends' attention.

"I'm going to go meditate before bed. 'Night," she said to the room.

"Good night, my dearest friend!" Starfire exclaimed.

"'Night, Rae," Cyborg said.

The others chimed in with their own departing salutations.

She smiled to herself as she went to the roof to meditate. It was nice to have such friends. She never imagined herself in such a place, with such kindred souls. Her life was far better, far fuller than she'd ever imagined it could be. The only thing that could make it better, was...

No. She couldn't think of such things. No matter how her life had changed, she couldn't entertain those thoughts. It was only inviting trouble. Friends were one thing, even friends she openly loved. _That_, however, was something entirely different. Better to not tempt herself even with the fantasy. After all, look what happened with that whole Melchior business.

Raven took her usual place on the roof. It was a nice night, calm, if a bit chilly. She sat, and crossed her legs into the lotus position with all the ease her long hours of practice afforded her.

Breath in.

She pulled herself in, finding her center, and grounding herself.

Breath out.

She flung herself outward, expanding in all directions, and searching for that oneness with the universe that cherished so highly. She felt herself begin to pulse in time with the universe's rhythm.

As she settled into her meditative state, sure of her own place in the universe, she felt her magic respond, as it always did. Her body, she knew, was now floating above the roof, even if she could not feel it, as deep as she was in meditation. The magic swelled, and surrounded her. It permeated every inch of her being. It sang too her. It caressed her. It tempted her with all manner of things. It taunted her, throwing in her face things she could never have.

As she always did, she did her best to ignore the magic's song, and steadied herself in the universe's embrace.

* * *

Raven awoke with a start, and rolled out of bed. Mind still foggy, and eyes bleary, she didn't even realize the condition she was in until she was halfway out the door.

"Pants," she muttered to herself, "pants... robe?"

Eyes still not fully focused, she grabbed whatever clothing was handy, and hastily put it on as she staggered out the door.

It was calling to her. It drew her like the metaphorical moth.

Hurt.

Pain.

The source of the pain called to her. She needed to find it. She HAD to find it. She needed to feast upon the foolish mortal's pain, rend his soul and...

No... wait...

Heal. She needed to heal the pain, her waking mind corrected. Find the source of the pain, and heal it. Relieve the sufferer of his agony.

Male. It was definitely male. The taste of the pain made that evident.

Raven wasn't really aware of where she was, only that she was headed to the source of the pain. She scurried through corridors, through doors, and occasionally through walls, homing in on the source, on the one radiating hurt.

She paused as she reached the final barrier, the door behind which the hurt lie.

"Robin," she breathed. It was Robin's door.

"ROBIN," she shouted, banging on the door, "Robin, are you OK?"

There was no response.

The pain radiating out from the room wavered, lacing itself with confusion and doubt.

There was only one thing to do.

Raven summoned her magic, completely ignoring its siren's song, and phased through the door.

Robin lay in his bed, asleep, but not peacefully. He was bare from the waist up, and sweat gave his muscled frame a glistening sheen. The sheets had wrapped themselves around his waist and legs during what must have been a frantic bout of tossing and turning.

Robin gave a moan, and Raven felt another wave of hurt emanating from him... hurt mixed with the sensation of flying. Flying... or maybe... dropping? She hurried to the side of his bed, and crouched, slightly fearful of disturbing his slumber, despite his current condition.

"Robin, Robin, wake up. You're having a nightmare," she whispered, touching his bare shoulder lightly.

Instantly, Robin woke, bolting upright, body tensing, and guarding against attack.

"Robin, shush... Robin, it's just me," she said, projecting as much calm as she was able.

"Wha-... Raven?" he replied groggily. His body began to relax slightly. He blinked quickly, caught between his adrenaline rush and the last vestiges of sleep clinging to him.

The tension flooding Raven's body left her all at once as when she saw him awake and safe. Her body sagged, and she hauled herself up to sit on the edge of his bed.

"You were having a nightmare," she said.

"Nightmare... yes..." Robin shivered with the memory and shook his head. "Raven... what are you doing here?"

"Apparently my empathic abilities are increasing," she said with a smile. "I felt your pain in the dream, and it drew me to you. I came to make sure you were OK."

"Uh, thanks, I guess," he said nervously. He looked down quickly.

Raven looked at him curiously, sensing his sudden reticence. She looked down. Her robe was hanging open, and the coolness of the room was evident through her thin sleepshirt. Raven drew back toward the foot of the bed, blushing, and pulled her robe closed. She looked up at Robin, who was shivering slightly, and pulling the sheets securely around his waist.

"Sorry," Raven said. "I ran out of my room in a hurry. I wasn't really thinking, just running on instinct."

"No problem," Robin said with a shy smile. "I just don't get female company in my room very often."

"Well, keep having nightmares like that, and it'll happen more often."

Robin's face clouded.

Raven moved toward him.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Robin looked up sharply. His gaze softened when he looked into her eyes.

"Thanks, but I'm OK." He gave a small smile. "It was nothing to worry about."

"Well, if you're sure..." Raven said hesitantly.

"I'm sure. Go back to bed. I'm sorry I troubled you."

Raven risked reaching out to touch his shoulder.

"Robin, it's never trouble helping my friends. You know I'd do anything for you."

Robin looked up, and their gazes locked. An eternity passed before Raven managed to look pull herself away, her face scarlet.

"All of you, I mean. Everyone. The team."

"Of course," the reply came.

Raven couldn't bring herself to look at him, she was so embarrassed. She closed her eyes, trying to find her center, and cool the heat scorching her face.

Her eyes shot open when she felt a hand on her shoulder. She looked up to seen Robin smiling at her.

"Go back to bed, Raven. It's late. Or early. Whatever. Either way, thanks for coming to check on me. It means a lot."

Raven couldn't help but smile back.

"Anytime."

She rose, and gave Robin one last glance before turning to the door.

"Anytime."

* * *

It was always difficult maintaining one's center in the tense calm before battle, Raven mused. Not that it was impossible... after all, that's what all her training was for. Even so, it was murder on her nerves. It reminded Raven of the old adage about war being 'long periods of boredom punctuated by moments of sheer terror'. Several firefighters Raven had spoken to agreed with the saying wholeheartedly.

"Spread out, and signal if you find anything. Above all, stay sharp, and don't panic," Robin said, bringing Raven back to the task at hand.

She blinked into the gloom of the darkened warehouse. Their prey was somewhere among the aisles of crates and boxes. The teens split off into different directions, creeping silently into the darkness.

Raven tip-toed around a corner, icy sweat running down her back. Their foe had to be in here somewhere, but the dark warehouse, combined with the tension was quickly fraying her nerves. She was nervous. The crook could jump out at any moment; in front of her, behind her, anywhere. She was more than nervous, she was afraid. The warehouse wasn't pitch black, but the filthy windows let in little light. What light they did let in only served to ruin her night vision at just the wrong moment. This was insane, Raven thought. She felt like she wanted to scream.

She bolted upright, and did a face-palm. She was a fool.

She was Raven, she was half demon, she was a sorceress, and she was creeping around the dark aisles like a fool. This was supposed to be her element. She wasn't supposed to be feeling fear, she was supposed to be causing it.

The realization drained all the tension from her. She reached out her arms, as if reaching for her magic, and summoned the power within herself.

With the magic came the familiar siren song. It sang and crooned. Let go, it sang. Let go, and it can all be yours. It promised her the moon and the stars. It promised her love. It promised her Robin...

Raven paused, shaken. She wouldn't lose control; her training was too ingrained for that, but she was shaken nonetheless. It wasn't temptation which made her pause, only startlement. She was shocked that the magic would offer her such a thing. Why?

She shook off her bemused state, and turned to the task at hand. There would be plenty of time for meditation and self reflection later. She clasped the magic in the grip of her iron will, and brought it to bay. It was time to show the darkness who the master was.

She stretched out with her empathic senses, and located everyone in the warehouse.

She found Starfire, her outward nervousness masking her warrior's resolve. There was Beast Boy, who was afraid, but she could feel the predator's instinct within him, clawing to get out. Over here was Cyborg, who was completely unafraid, but was struggling against a cold dispassion, which Raven assumed was his machine half. There, there was Robin. Raven hesitated to focus on him after her experience summoning her magic, but she could feel his steely calm, his confidence in his own ability, and in that of his team. Raven smiled to herself. She wouldn't let him down.

There was one more presence in the warehouse. It was a fearful, dangerous presence. Raven wrapped herself in shadow, and phased herself through the various shelves and boxes. She emerged above him, keeping herself still mostly phased. He was a rough character, scars and tattoos littering his lanky frame. His face clearly showed he was no stranger to trouble in his prison tattoos and his grim, set expression. In one hand he held an elongated box, which most likely contained his booty, and in the other, a sub-machine gun. His steady hand, and his loose, but confident grip spoke of familiarity with the device.

Raven silently considered him. He looked tough, and wouldn't be taken easily in a frontal assault. His fear, though, that gave him a weakness she could exploit.

She whispered to him. It was a soft, nearly silent sound. In her phased state, he might not even consciously register it, but it would be there. It would affect him.

'What are you going to do now?' she whispered. 'They're hunting you, and they'll find you. Not just anyone, either; the Titans. They're used to handling much more than you.'

Raven felt his resolve harden. That wasn't what she was after; she needed to change tactics.

'If only it weren't so dark in here. It's impossible to see anything. They could be anywhere. They could be right on top of you, and you'd never know it.'

Raven felt his heartbeat speed up.

'How are you supposed to see anything in here. Those damned windows are useless. Did that shadow just move? Wait, behind you!'

The perp swung around, gun raised, heart racing.

'Damn it! They could be anywhere! They could be everywhere! You'd never know until they were right on top of you!'

Raven noted where her friends were, and reached out with her magic, pulling on a box opposite them. The criminal reared on the sound of the falling box, and let loose a stream of bullets. Muzzle flash lit up the corner, ruining any remaining night vision.

'Over there!'

In a panic now, the crook didn't need a noise, just a prompt and a direction. A spray of bullets peppered a stack of crates.

'What's that?'

Another spray, ending in an empty click.

Raven phased back to reality.

"That's the problem with full-auto; it goes through bullets so quickly. You should have stuck with semi, and sprung for the extended mag."

The criminal turned to look up at Raven so quickly he lost his footing and fell backwards. He tossed away his sub-machine gun, and pulled a handgun with a shaking hand. Before he could pull the trigger, a birdarang swooped out of the darkness to neatly disarm the trembling perp. Raven pulled with her magic, taking the elongated box swiftly out of his grasp, and it was over, just like that.

"You were supposed to let us know when you found him," Robin said to her as they dragged the crook out into the daylight.

"Sorry. I turned a corner and almost tripped over him. I couldn't call without giving up my position," she lied guiltily.

"Still," he pressed, "you were taking foolish chances. You could have gotten hurt with the way you were playing with him."

Raven was nearly gritting her teeth with frustration. She had enjoyed toying with him... too much in fact, but that was her problem, not his. She wanted... _needed_... Robin's approval.

"Look, having us crawl around a dark warehouse looking for a psycho with an uzi wasn't really the best idea. I was scared. When I realized how stupid I was being, and what I was doing, I was pissed. I took it out on him. I'm sorry." She didn't sound sorry, she realized.

"So now you ignore orders because you don't agree with them?"

Robin was getting defensive. That was the last thing Raven wanted.

"Robin, I'm sorry," she said, trying to put really feeling into the words. "I don't mean to be questioning your leadership. You know I would follow you into Hell itself. Still, maybe we've been fighting super-villains too long. Maybe we've forgotten what it's like to fight common street thugs. A punk with gun can kill us just as easily, and they're more likely to shoot first, and gloat later."

"So, now _I__'__m _endangering everyone," he said.

"Robin, _please_," she said desperately. What was wrong with her? Now she was nearly in tears. She needed to center. She needed to focus. "Just think about what I've said. I know you will; you're too good a leader not to."

Robin frowned, turned and walked away. She watched him walk away for a moment before directing her attention elsewhere. Raven felt tension she'd not known was there leave her shoulders. She turned to see Starfire, Beast Boy, and Cyborg staring at her with eyes wide.

"Well?" she asked.

"I guess it was kinda stupid if you think about it," Cyborg said. "Don't worry, Rae, he'll come around. That thing you did with the punk was pretty cool."

Beast Boy nodded his agreement as Starfire squealed.

"It was marvelous!"

Raven blushed faintly.

"Thanks." was all she could say. It was good to still have friends.

As they wrapped up, the next call came in. It was going to be a busy night.

Raven didn't fare as well during that skirmish. Flustered and frustrated, she let a stray brick through her defenses. It clipped her in the side of the head; not enough to hurt her significantly, but enough to daze her and put her out of the fight. Cyborg and Beast Boy both put on spectacular performances. Beast Boy tossed crooks in the air left and right as a gorilla, while Cyborg shot skeet with his sonic cannon on its lowest power, stunning them, and dropping them back into Beast Boy's waiting arms.

She was still dizzy as the third call came in. As they rode to the scene, waves of nausea washed over her, probably indicating a mild concussion. She wasn't going to be any good in this fight either. Robin, probably feeling frustration from his bruised ego, was particularly vicious. He leapt into the fray, kicking and punching, and allowing no one to lay a hand on him. Starfire simply hovered in the air, arms folded, and a strange small smile on her face as she watched him go. Occasionally she surreptitiously blasted a crook who was creeping up behind Robin, but mostly she just watched.

Once they returned to the tower, Raven went right to her room. If Stankball was in the cards tonight, which was highly unlikely considering how tired they all were, it would have to be without Raven. Tonight Raven needed some reflection.

Reflection. Raven smiled, as she walked into her room. She walked up to her mirror. This was no ordinary mirror. It had its own particular kind of magic. Raven used it for self reflection. Reflection. She smiled a little wider. She used a mirror for reflection. The unconscious pun never failed to amuse her.

Raven looked at her reflection in the mirror for a moment. When she felt ready, she stepped forward, and entered the mirror as though it were a doorway. Calmly, she entered the world of Nevermore, the reflection of her 'self'.

Raven wandered the distorted, but oddly comfortable landscape only for a moment before reaching her destination. Before her was a circle of young women, all alike except for the color of their cloaks, and all identical to Raven.

Raven stared at the women, each representing a facet of herself. When Cyborg and Beast Boy broke into her room and entered the mirror mistakenly, they'd seen only a handful, maybe a dozen, of her other 'selves'. What they didn't realize is that there were dozens, hundreds, of different colors of Ravens there. Sure there were the 'Major' emotions: Happy, Sad, Angry, etc., but there were variations upon variations. Just as Red wasn't Scarlet wasn't Maroon, neither was Angry the same as Irate, or Furious. Depressed wasn't Sad wasn't Blue wasn't Melancholy. Happy was different than Elated, which was different than Joyous or Jubilant or Ecstatic or Rapturous. Each facet of herself was a different color, and each had a different flavor, a different texture, a different nuance.

And they were all Raven.

And she had a question. A question that needed an answer. She couldn't just let it lie. If she didn't examine it, understand every aspect of it, then it could be a chink in her armor, and that was something she couldn't afford.

She face the circle of her 'selves'.

"Why?" she asked. "Why Robin?"

The figures in the circle multiplied, and sprinted around in a motion that reminded Raven of rifling through a deck of cards. When the chaos ended, there was an equal number of figures as there were initially, but one in particular stood out as different.

Raven walked towards her, and looked her in the eye. She knew from her aura, and the feelings washing over herself, which aspect she was facing. It wasn't one she expected.

It also wasn't very comfortable.

"Lust, explain."

Lust's eyes sparkled and she smiled sweetly.

"We _want _him. It's that simple. He's strong, he's confident, and he's _built_. We trust him, we respect him, and know he would never betray us. He's safe, and we want him. We want to pin him down, tear off all his clothes, and do such delicious things with him."

Lust paused, and her eyes unfocused in reflection.

"I'm not sure if it's sex, or ripping out his heart and eating it, still beating, in front of him. Either way."

Raven rolled her eyes and groaned. It was frustrating and confusing being half demon. Raven was sure Starfire never had to deal with primal urges which directed her to slaughter her friends, and eat their souls. Maybe she did, Raven mused. Tamaranians were very... _different_ in their relationships and culture.

That was a question for a different day.

"Why now?" she demanded.

"Who knows?" Lust replied. "Maybe we're feeling our hormones a bit more. Maybe it's our Empathy, and feeling what others feel. Maybe it was seeing him after his nightmare, where he was shirtless and vulnerable. Does it really matter?"

"I suppose not," Raven conceded. "Still, it complicates things. I mean, there's him and Starfire, for one thing... that's complicated enough, not to mention hurt feelings or betrayal would destroy the team. I can't jeopardize the team, or my relationships with my friends."

"I'm not going to go away," Lust warned.

"I know," Raven sighed tiredly, "but maybe I could... I don't know... find you another target or something. A safer target."

"You know it's not going to be that easy," Lust said.

Raven could only shake her head in tired frustration. As she looked on at Lust, a pulling at her emotions caught her attention. She pushed out with her will, and the circle of multicolored Ravens began their shuffle once again. When they had finished their scurrying, Lust's place was occupied by another uncomfortable emotion.

"Well?" Raven asked Love.

"Nothing, only that you already know the answer to your problem," she replied.

Raven understood. It was the hardest lesson for her to learn, one she struggled with constantly, even now.

Emotions were not bad. They weren't 'wrong'. Even more importantly; they were all part of Raven. She couldn't deny them, she couldn't kill them. She had to be whole. She had to accept them, though that didn't mean she had to let them control her.

The second lesson was easier. Though emotions weren't bad, they did have darker aspects to them. Love and Lust were similar to each other, but Lust was more possessive, tending to want ownership and control over the object of her affection. Love was more selfless, focusing on forsaking one's own desires for the good of the other. In both cases, however, they could be protective, guarding the focus from harm. The trick was using the nature of an emotion, _any_emotion, even rage or hate, to her advantage.

"If only it were just that easy," she said mournfully to Love."

"Isn't it?" Love countered.

"The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak," Raven quoted.

"The vodka is good, but the mean is rotten," quipped Love, quoting an old translation joke.

Raven grimaced, and turned to leave. She had her answer, the rest didn't require an audience.

-To Be Continued...


	2. Chapter 2 Affairs of the Heart

Teen Titans and all associated trademarks are property of DC Entertainment Inc. and its parent corporation Warner Bros. Entertainment. They are used here without permission.

The Year of the Raven

Chapter 2

Raven rocked in the gentle tidal sensation she felt deep in her meditation. She always associated it with the 'pulse' of the universe. It was a soothing, serene feeling, which aided reflection, and in this case, problem solving.

Step 1: Analyze my feelings toward Robin.

This wasn't too difficult in and of itself; Lust had told her most of what she needed to know already. The problem was being as thorough as possible. She didn't just desire him, did she? They were friends after all. She liked him, and admired and respected him. Occasionally he irked or even infuriated her, but those times were few and far between. Did she... could she even... love... him? She was too pragmatic, to disciplined to say no outright. She also had enough experience to know that denying emotions was always trouble.

Step 2: Why?

Why did she harbor such feelings? Time and proximity were the main culprits, Raven supposed. She had little enough experience with relationships, not to mention _people_; of _course_she was going to crush on the leader of their little cadre. That was not to say that he wasn't deserving of her respect and affection. He was handsome, strong, a good and kind person, and a caring leader, even, dare she say, noble. He was easy to like, and very easy to crush on, if the mass of fan girls were any indication. They didn't even know his personality, only the way he looked. Getting to know him only made things better. Also, there was an intensity to him which hinted at some hidden depth that Raven wished he would share.

Step 3: Identify flaws.

Most girlish crushes tended to include blinders. If she could identify flaws in Robin, perhaps she could break some of the attraction. Did Robin have flaws? Oh, he certainly did. He could be beyond stubborn, to the point of ridiculousness. Despite his confidence in battle, he could be peculiarly unsure about his leadership ability at times, as evidenced by his defensiveness during the last encounter. He also could be frighteningly single minded, chasing some idea or problem to the exclusion of all else. Sometimes he could even be disgusting, when he let himself be coerced by Beast Boy and Cyborg. He had that 'boy' aspect about himself that occasionally didn't mind not bathing for a week, and wallowing in his own filth, not to mention belching, or farting, or Stankball...

Revulsion at the thought almost broke through even her well practiced meditation.

That was good; it prepared her for the next step.

Step 4: Find a more deserving, or superior object for her affections.

This should be easy. She knew Robin so well, his flaws were evident to her. With an unknown person, she could fantasize and fill them with whatever ridiculous notions she wanted. There was Speedy, with whom comparisons to Robin were inevitable. He was as handsome, and strong, Robin's equal in almost every way. He had an annoying bit of arrogance, though, which could show itself at the most irritating moments. It was almost like he expected every available, and most unavailable, girl to fawn over him, as though he deserved it. It was so infuriating...

OK, that wasn't working.

How about Aqualad? He was certainly handsome too. He was tall, well built, and had a confident air about him. He stayed in the ocean for the most part, which made things more difficult, but hey, this was a fantasy. It wasn't like she was going to marry him. He was royalty, which was romantic, even if it did carry a hint of arrogance to it. And he always carried the aura of the ocean where ever he was. The romantic smell of the ocean... and dead fish.

Raven's nose wrinkled. That would be a problem.

Who else could she think of? Màs y Minos? They did everything together, but did they do _everything_together? Raven didn't think she was quite up for that. Besides, they were a little... short.

This was getting frustrating. She didn't want to stray too close to home, Cyborg and Beast Boy were like brothers to her.

She shuddered as she considered Beast Boy for a moment. His hygiene, or lack thereof, put him so far out of the running, he couldn't even see the finish line.

Perhaps celebrity; an actor or musician? Musicians didn't appeal to her, they usually were all tattoos and attitude, but actors... there was that actor from action movie she saw recently...

A sudden pulse of emotion washed over Raven, threatening to rip her from her meditation. This time, however, she wasn't going to be led by the nose. Deep in meditation, she was in the perfect position to exert her control.

First she made sure she was grounded. It did not good to let the magic pull her where it would. Second, she reached out with her senses, drawing on her increasingly powerful empathic senses. She followed the waves of emotion to their epicenter.

Robin. Why did it have to be Robin again?

Raven probed with her senses, trying to see if she could tell anything before she went physically. Robin was definitely awake this time, so there was no concern about catching him in bed. He was at a private communication terminal, and negative emotions were rolling off of him. Confusion, anguish, hurt, desperation, all these things and more were swirling around him like a hurricane, as he sat in the eye.

Raven could wait no longer. The raw emotional energy called to her, drawing the demon heritage in her blood out, and waking a feral hunger.

Raven exerted all the control her lifetime of practice and iron will could manage. The dark emotions sang to her, calling her to feed, but it was enough. The call was there, but Raven was centered. She could reject it, at least for now.

With all her control being used to reign in her darker, more primal urges, Raven didn't dare call up her magic. It seemed she was going to have to do this the slow way. She had to walk.

"Bruce, please!" Raven heard as she approached her destination. "I... you're right. I've let things get out of control a bit. Maybe I haven't been as careful as I should have been, but please... I... I'll train more. I'll study more. I'll be more careful, I swear, just... please!"

Raven couldn't understand the response, she could only hear a low, gravelly, rumbling voice which gave a clear indication of finality. There was no arguing with this voice. She paused outside the door, not wanting to interrupt the conversation.

"J-just... give me a few days... or something."

More rumbling.

"Because I have friends here, not that you'd know what that means," Robin shot back, some of his familiar fire returning.

Louder, sterner rumbling.

"No. You don't control me, old man, you only control the money. If that's how you're going to be, maybe I don't _want_to be Robin anymore."

Silence.

The silence grew. It drew out until it was oppressive and maddening. As the silence grew, so did the intensity of emotion, until Raven's skin was crawling with the feel of it.

Finally the rumbling voice broke the tension. After the voice had finished speaking, there was a sensation of energy dissipating. That was new. She'd just felt the communication center powering down. She'd never felt anything like _that_before. She was sensing new things. This could be useful... or complicated. Either way, it was for another time.

She sensed Robin's presence nearing the door, and she stepped back to give him room.

The door opened.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Robin visibly jumped.

"How much did you hear?" he demanded.

"I _heard _very little. It wasn't words that drew me here"

"Ah yes," he gave a bitter, unpleasant laugh, "your increasing empathic ability."

"I didn't ask for these powers, Robin, and you know I'd give them up in a moment for the chance to live a normal life. I'm just trying to figure out how to use them the right way."

She folded her arms.

"I'll ask again: 'Do you want to talk about it?'"

"Why, so you can question my judgement again too?" he asked.

Raven sighed internally. So it was going to be like that, then. There was no point in pressing him, he'd just sink deeper into his funk, and get more obstinate. He was stubborn that way. She couldn't batter through a wall, but maybe she could convince him to unlock a door. If she tried this more like a seduction...

She stamped on the thought. The last thing she needed was to be thinking along those lines.

She softened her voice as much as she was able, and looked him right in the eye.

"Robin, I am your friend. I care about you. We fight occasionally, and we both know I have issues, but when it's all said and done, I count of the fact that we're friends, and I can trust you with anything. Now please, if something's wrong, talk to me." That was borderline emotional blackmail, but she needed to subdue those emotions before her control broke.

It seemed to have the desired effect. He paused, looking thoughtful

"OK, but not here. Somewhere else where we won't be bothered."

"We can always use my favorite spot," Raven offered with a smile.

Robin actually smiled back.

"Very well. To the roof!"

On the roof Raven sat in an approximation of her usual lotus position. She tried to look at ease, peaceful, while simultaneously looking focused on Robin. It was harder than she'd given it credit for.

Robin sat facing her, cross-legged.

"Sooo..." he started, unsure of himself.

"So?" she prompted.

"So... how should I..."

He was so cute when he got all timid.

Raven quashed the thought.

"This is your story, Robin. Tell it your way."

"I, uh... um." Robin looked disconcerted. After a moment, he appeared to come to a decision.

"Raven, how much do you really know about me?"

Raven cocked her head in contemplation.

"After all this time you think I don't know you?" She saw his mouth open, and cut off his protest. "Joking. I get what you mean. I know you, but I don't know what your real name is. I know you work with Batman, but I don't know if you come from Gotham. I don't know who your parents are, or how you were when you were younger."

Robin looked satisfied at the answer.

"I do know that you're a fairly typical teen, or I assume so with my limited experience. You like having fun, and being with your friends. I also know there's a darkness to you that you hide from us. I know something bad happened to you, and you cover the hurt with 'sound and fury'. And no, I didn't need empathy to tell me that," she said in response to his look. "I have eyes, Robin. I'm not the only one who knows, either. When you were exposed to that drug, and you opened yourself to me, I stayed out of your memories, and tried to stay in the moment. Still, I saw enough to confirm my suspicions, but I didn't see details."

Robin sighed.

"It's true enough. My parents died when I was younger. Murdered, actually." Robin's voice shook somewhat, but his face remained resolute.

"Batman took me in after it'd happened. I didn't know he was Batman at the time, of course. That came later. First is was just this weird guy who took me in and told me he knew how I felt. His parents had been murdered too."

Robin's eyes looked far away.

"That changes you, especially when it happens right before your eyes. With Batman... I dunno. It happened when he was really young. I think he worries about everything now. He wants to control everything. He's scary at times, how hard he is. I mean, he's not mean, he's not cruel. He does care. You wouldn't believe the things he's done, and I don't even mean the crime fighting. One moment he can be the most cold hearted, driven, implacable bastard, and the next, he can surprise you and show kindness to his enemies. He has contingencies on contingencies. It's all tied up in control."

Robin stopped, taking a couple breaths.

"I guess that doesn't really tell you anything, does it?"

Raven simply looked at him.

"You needed to say it, and that makes it important," she replied.

Robin smiled and shook his head.

"Lately it seems like nothing I've said is important. Not with you, and not with him."

Raven smiled back sadly.

"I'm sorry if I've been hard on you, Robin. I shouldn't take my own issues out on you."

"There's been a lot of that going around," he replied. Batman has been... I don't know what's going on with him. He's been on a rampage lately. You know he doesn't approve of me being here? It's true. I think it's because I'm so far away he can't manage me."

"So that call was..." Raven began.

"Him telling me he wants me back in Gotham. He wants me to stop being a Titan. I think he might want me to stop being Robin."

"You really think so?"

"I'm not sure. He's on this thing where I need to follow his rules without question. That might have worked when I was ten or twelve, but I have a lot more experience now. I've led my own team."

"So..."

"So. I don't know. I... I don't know."

Raven sat for a moment, looking at the internal turmoil reflected on Robin's face. She could feel his confusion, and conflict between his affection for Batman, and his feeling of betrayal. It was tantalizingly sweet. It made Raven want to lash out at him verbally, tearing him down and rending his very soul before beginning to eat him alive, still screaming. The very thought made her mouth water.

Instead, Raven sat and centered herself as she did when she meditated.

Breath in.

She disgusted herself sometimes, with how powerful those feelings were, at how tempted she was.

Breath out.

She wondered if they'd ever trust her if they knew how powerful the demon in her was, or how her willpower was the only thing preventing their torture and death.

Breath in.

Breath out.

"I'm not going to give you advice, Robin. You wouldn't take it, and you don't really need it anyway. I think you already know what to do, you just need to realize it, and find the strength to do it."

Robin grimaced.

"That's not very helpful."

"I didn't promise to help," she replied, "I promised to listen. If you want my advice, though, go do something that you enjoy or relaxes you, preferably something physical, that you don't have to think about. You'd be surprised how many answers you find in those moments. If you need someone to listen, I'll always be here."

Raven watched as Robin stood and walked to the door and off the roof. She'd felt bad not giving him answers, but honestly she'd none to give him. Besides, he had to find his own solutions, or he wouldn't have the courage to see them through. He had to own them.

She waited until she was sure he'd gone, summoned her magic, and sent out her 'soul self' to follow him.

Yes, this was technically spying, but Raven wanted to see if he followed her advice. As she followed his aura, she wondered a little jealously if he was going to find Starfire with the intent of 'doing something physical'.

Robin's presence led her to a practice area that Raven wasn't familiar with. The team never trained in this room.

Raven pushed out with her senses to focus on Robin. There he was, not kicking, swinging punches, or any of the other things Raven might have suspected. Instead, he was swinging in the air on what looked like a trapeze. His emotions were rapidly evening out, and despite how high he was, he did seem to be at peace.

Raven left him to his strange exercise, curious, but content that he was taking her advice.

Raven stood in her room, staring into her mirror. She had no intention of entering today, she was merely thinking, and needed something to stare at.

She kept turning the things Robin told her over in her mind. Between his talk about Batman, his admission of his parents being murdered, and his working on a trapeze, Raven's curiosity was piqued.

The question was: should she indulge herself?

If she restricted herself to searching public information, the it wasn't exactly prying, was it? But then again, by going around Robin, instead of asking him directly, she was implicitly admitting that she knew he didn't want her to know, and came perilously close to a breach of trust.

Then, too, were her feelings toward the Boy Wonder. Lust had been conspicuously quiet as of late. She still had feelings for her friend and leader, but they lacked the red hot, gripping nature she associated with Lust. They were more tumultuous, and less defined.

She rolled her eyes at herself. Between her naivety and her 'handicaps', she doubted she'd ever have a serious relationship, but it was nice to fantasize a little. She hadn't counted on the fantasy being this complicated, though. She hadn't even told Robin how she felt, and already things were confusing.

"How do normal people do this stuff?" she muttered to herself. By 'normal people', of course, she meant 'people who aren't half demon and raised by monks on an alien planet in the hopes of preventing them from being the portal for a universe destroying demon.' Not that she knew anyone who fit that criteria.

A knock at her door derailed any further musing on the matter.

"Yes?"

"It's Beast Boy," the reply came.

That was strange. He rarely, if ever, came to her room, and usually it involved sneaking, not knocking.

She walked to the door, and opened it.

"Yes?"

"I just wanted to see how you were, and to make sure you weren't going all Über-goth," Beast Boy said.

"Über-goth?" Raven repeated with a raised eyebrow.

"Yeah, you know," Beast Boy explained, "when you get all... well... you get all mopey, and you shut yourself up in your room and stop hanging out with your friends."

Raven gave him a look. His face had reddened, and he was fidgeting from the admission.

"I suppose I have been, haven't I?" she admitted.

Beast Boy visibly relaxed.

"Yeah. A little."

"I've just been... _thinking_. About... _stuff_," Raven said hesitantly.

"Ah, boy trouble?" Beast Boy ventured.

Raven shot him a hard, hard glare.

"What do you know?" she demanded.

Beast Boy jumped back, shaking his head and holding his arms out defensively.

"Nothing! Nothing! I just... uh... know the signs, ya know? 'Sides, I've been there a time or two myself."

"Boy trouble? You?" Raven asked.

Beast Boy's face went scarlet.

"You know what I mean," he muttered. "So... wanna talk about it?"

Something about this situation struck Raven as uncomfortably familiar. She shook off the eerie feeling.

"There's not much to tell. Besides, I don't really know how to put it in words yet."

"Well, if you wanna talk, I promise I'll give you one of my rare serious moments," he promised.

I'll keep that in mind." Raven hesitated before adding, "You ever want something you know you can't have?"

"Some_thing_, or some_one_?" Beast Boy prodded.

"Same difference," Raven replied.

She shrugged her shoulders, and her face went blank as she reigned in her feelings under her ironclad control.

"You know I have 'issues', right?" she asked rhetorically. "Well, I don't think I'll ever be able have that kind of relationship. I'd never be able to free my emotions enough to maintain it."

"I think you need to give yourself more credit, Raven," Beast Boy replied. "Sure, you had a few problems early on, but your control has gotten a lot better, and you know how to let your emotions out safely instead of bottling them up all the time."

"Less often than you think, but yeah, sometimes it's better to let them out than clamp down on them," she interrupted.

"Exactly," Beast Boy agreed. "Raven, I think you need to give this a shot. I know it's hard, but you have to trust yourself. You have to trust that you know what you can handle, and how far you can let yourself go."

"Besides," he added, "if it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. At least you've had the experience. I mean, look at Robin and Starfire."

"What about Robin and Starfire?" Raven asked sharply. A little too sharply, she cursed herself.

"You didn't notice they haven't been hanging out lately?" he asked. "You need to get out of your room a bit more, Raven."

Beast Boy turned to leave.

"Beast Boy," Raven called.

He turned and looked back.

"Thanks. You're a good friend."

He flashed a toothy grin.

"Hey, I'm here for ya."

So, Robin and Starfire haven't been hanging out, eh? This required further investigation, preferably right from the source... but not from Robin. It was time for some Girl Talk.

She found Starfire in the kitchen, rummaging through the refrigerator. There was a bowl on the counter containing a very suspicious substance, and next to it, a gallon jar of mustard.

Starfire was having lunch.

Raven almost turned tail and ran. This was the most dangerous time to be around her. You never knew what kind of nefarious monstrosity might be offered up as 'food'.

"Glorious day, Raven!" Starfire called, "You have been quite reclusive lately. I have missed your company. Would you like to share my meal?"

Rats. She was caught.

"No thanks, Star. It looks... tasty..." Raven almost choked on the lie, "but I've already eaten. I actually wanted to talk with you."

"Oh? About what?"

"Nothing in particular," Raven evaded, "like you said, we haven't hung out in a while."

Starfire squealed.

"May we engage in the 'talk of girls'?" she cried.

"Gladly," Raven assured her.

Starfire let out another ear-piercing squeal of delight, and sat down to enjoy her meal of 'mystery food'.

"So, how're you and Robin doing?" Raven asked after quite a bit of mindless chit-chat. She could feel her pulse pounding in her veins.

"We are... 'taking a break'." she said hesitantly.

Raven immediately felt guilty for prying.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bring up bad feelings."

"It is fine," Starfire reassured. "We are friends, and we are still close. The term 'take a break' is funny. When you break something it is damaged, but I understand from Robin that this is not the meaning here."

"'Take a break' usually means to have a short rest," Raven said.

"That is what Robin said, however, I don't think this rest will be very short. I don't foresee us resuming our relationship as it was," Starfire said sadly.

"Oh, Starfire. I'm sorry." Guilt surged through Raven before she managed to clamp down on it. She'd been intrigued by the thought of Robin being available, but she'd failed to consider Starfire's feelings. Or Robin's for that matter.

"What happened, if you don't mind my asking," Raven prompted.

"Nothing specifically happened to bring this about. I believe we've been approaching this decision for a while. There are simply too many things outside our control that make our relationship difficult. I am technically a princess, and there is always the possibility I could be called to return to my home planet. He has his friends, his mentor, and his work here, which he takes very seriously. There were also some compatibility issues."

"Uh..." Raven stammered, "you don't have to share anything too personal."

"Huh?" Starfire looked confused. Realization flashed across her face, and she darkened considerably. "That is not what I meant, only that we had some difficulties during more intimate moments."

Raven felt her how face heat up.

"That sounds exactly what I meant," Raven muttered.

Starfire's face reddened even further.

"I... uh... oh. We haven't... I mean..." she stumbled. "You know my strength goes up with my emotions. I had difficulty preventing myself from hurting him as we showed our affection. More than once he came away with bruising."

"Yikes," Raven said in awe. "I hope he likes it rough."

Starfire shook her head sadly.

"Bones are not supposed to creak."

"Ow," Raven whispered.

Starfire could only nod.

"What about you?" Starfire asked. "Have you had any new friends who are boys?"

"M-me?" Raven sputtered, "I have the same problem you do, Star. I'm afraid of hurting someone."

"Perhaps it is yourself you truly fear hurting," Starfire opined.

"Come on, Star. My powers are based on emotion just as much as yours are. If I can't keep control of my emotions, I can hurt people too."

"You do yourself too little credit, friend Raven. Perhaps you simply need the right person to help you see yourself as we do." Starfire's eyes narrowed in speculation. "You need someone patient, and who can intrigue you intellectually."

"Seriously, Star. I'm not looking for a relationship. I'm still not convinced I can have one without accidentally killing someone. You're wasting your time."

"Very well, I will desist for now," Starfire moped. "I still think you have a lot to offer someone, friend Raven, and you deserve happiness."

"I am happy, Star," Raven hedged. "I have good friends like you, and I help people in need."

"You deserve to have love as well."

"Sometime I'll have to tell you the parable of the dog and his bone. It breaks down to 'if you try to have everything, you end up with nothing.'" Raven answered.

"'Ask, and you shall receive; seek, and you shall find; knock, and it shall be opened to you.'" Starfire stated.

Raven's jaw hit the ground.

"A Bible quote? You, Starfire?"

"Wisdom is everywhere if you care to look. Besides, I like that line. If you don't seek something, you are unlikely to find it."

"Next I'll be explaining 'sour grapes'. Can we change the subject?" Raven asked.

"Certainly," Starfire said benignly. "You certainly gave Robin a hard time the other day."

"You mean the warehouse?" Raven asked ruefully. This was not far enough off the previous topic for her liking.

Starfire nodded.

"Yeah, well..." Raven dipped her head guiltily. "Robin's a good leader, but even he has to admit that was a dumb plan."

"You certainly made that clear," Starfire said.

"I though I did a good job, and I was proud of how I handled the crook, and I was embarrassed that I got reprimanded. I gave back as good as I felt I got. I'm not proud of myself, but he needed to give me a break." Raven's face was ablaze with warring guilt and shame.

Starfire appeared not to notice; her eyes far away, her face thoughtful.

"Robin's been dealing with his own troubles. Perhaps you should make things better between you before it affects the team. I know! You should go enjoy a meal together! There's a place which Robin enjoys, but I do not, called a 'bar of sushi'. Why don't you both go and eat uncooked fish and reconcile with each other?"

"So Robin's a sushi person, huh?" Raven murmured. "That's not a bad idea, actually. We should really clear the... air... and..."

Raven gaped at Starfire, completely lost for words.

"Starfire! You... But... How... You..."

Starfire only looked at her sweetly.

"You are trying to set me up with Robin!" Raven finally gasped.

"Well, I know you've always had the 'thing' for him, and..." Starfire admitted.

"Wait. I've always had a thing for him? Since when? Who else thinks this?"

"Yes. It's been obvious for quite a while. I thought everyone knew."

"How could everyone know?" Raven demanded. "I didn't even know! And why are you trying to set me up with your boyfriend?"

"I told you," Starfire said patiently, "we are 'taking a break'. This is the perfect chance."

"But... I... but... Starfire, this is weird." Raven stated.

"Raven, you and Robin are well suited to each other. You share several traits, which caused conflict between Robin and I since we did not. Go. Take this chance, Raven. You deserve happiness."

This was her chance. That's why she'd come down to talk with Star in the first place, wasn't it? Now she had a chance. Robin was single, and Starfire was giving her explicit approval. She could pursue this without guilt, without hesitation. Isn't this what she'd always wanted? It was perfect. She could do this. She was going to do this. She...

"No."

Starfire's face fell.

"But..."

"I'm sorry, Star, but I can't. I'm still too dangerous when my emotions aren't controlled. Besides, I think Robin needs friends right now, not more complications."

"Raven," Starfire shook her head, "please reconsider. I think you would both benefit..."

"No, Star. I... I need to go."

Emotion was welling up within her. Raven could almost imagine them pouring forth from her, and swirling around, threatening to drown her.

As her emotions swelled, so too did her magic. Energy crackled around her, jumping to walls or objects as she stalked by. In the midst of her frustration, somewhere in the back of her mind came the feeling she needed to strangle Beast Boy. 'Boy troubles', eh? 'Look at Robin and Starfire', eh? She'd been set up. She was going to kill him. She needed to smack that smug expression off his face. She needed to...

A light bulb exploded in a lamp next to her as she walked into the living area.

She needed to calm the hell down.

She needed to meditate.

She also needed water.

But Starfire was in the kitchen. She didn't want to go try to meditate when she was thirsty like this, but she also didn't want to go back in there with Starfire. She stood in the middle of the room, caught in indecision. Frustration grew, and the air around her crackled with energy. The smell of ozone surrounded her.

She was being silly. She should go to her room, and get some water from her bathroom sink.

Decision made, she moved toward the hallway...

…right into Cyborg.

"Hey there, Rae-Rae! How's my favorite magic girl?" he boomed at her.

"Having a bad day," she growled through clenched teeth. "Going to go meditate."

"What happened?" he asked.

"Starfire and Beast Boy tried to set me up with Robin," she said despite herself. "Now, out of my way. I need to meditate."

"You didn't go for it, huh?" Cyborg grunted in frustration.

His demeanor caused a minor epiphany.

"You were in on it?" she cried. "You, Cyborg? How could you?"

"Well..." he said hesitantly, "I mean, you do have a thing for him..."

"It's a conspiracy!" she screamed.

Enough was enough. She had to meditate before something happened. She didn't dare use her magic. She pushed passed Cyborg and sprinted to her room, locking the door behind her.

Breath in.

She sat, and tried to get into her lotus position. Tense muscles screamed; she was simply too upset.

Breath out.

Her skin felt like ants were crawling all over her. Her heart was pounding in her ears.

Breath in.

Control. She needed control. She tried to find her center; that place in herself where everything was calm, the eye of the storm where she was safe from the turbulence of the world.

Breath out.

Breath in.

Breath out.

Slowly, agonizingly slowly, she calmed. The world started to fade away as she found her center. Unlike normally, when once she found it and snapped into place like a carabiner on a ring, this time it was a frustratingly gradual process. She found her center, but her focus was nonexistent, so it was more like swimming upstream.

Now the current was finally slowing. She was finally able to reach out and ground herself, drifting peacefully in her center.

It was at that moment the alarm went off.

-To Be Continued-


	3. Chapter 3 Complications

Teen Titans and all associated trademarks are property of DC Entertainment Inc. and its parent corporation Warner Bros. Entertainment. They are used here without permission.

The Year of the Raven

Chapter 3

Raven magicked herself to where the team was gathering, in response to the blaring alarm.

"Some maniac is running amok downtown," Robin said. "You know what time it is?"

"It's CLOB- wait... no... um..." Cyborg bit off. "Oh yeah, it's GO TIME!"

Shortly they were approaching the aforementioned maniac.

He was a tall, lanky character wearing all black. His trench coat flitted around him, attesting to the thinness of the material. His long, stringy hair fell limply around his face. He stood, striking a pose, atop an overturned car.

"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! NO ONE CAN STOP 'LORD DARKEVIL'!"

"Oh, man!" Beast Boy moaned, "Not another poser goth. I hate poser goths!"

He glanced at Raven.

"Uh... no offense, Raven," he said contritely.

Raven shot him a laser-death glare.

"What, exactly, are you implying?" she asked.

"Nu-nothing! Nothing!" he assured her.

Raven clenched her teeth, trying to control the rising offense and frustration. She needed to center. She needed...

Then it hit her.

Waves of dark energy/magic washed over her. It felt oily and sick, and the feeling clung to her as more waves followed. Her stomach roiled, and she nearly retched from the sensation. She hated it, and hated herself more as her demon-heritage blood sang in response.

"Robin, don't underestimate him," she warned. "He has real Magic. Real Power. Dark Power."

Robin nodded. "You heard the lady; be on your guard."

He stepped forward, and struck his own pose.

"Alright, Goth-ling, we're here to pluck your feathers!" he yelled.

"Huh?" the villain replied, confused. "That doesn't make any sen-"

"Titans, GO!" Robin cried.

It was over quickly.

Titans lay everywhere, unconscious, or gasping in pain. Raven crouched, bracing herself, and trusting in her natural resilience against magic to help soften the inevitable blow.

"So," the black-clad maniac gloated, "you, at least, showed some talent. Too bad it wasn't enough to pose some challenge."

Raven grit her teeth as her center continued to skitter just out of reach. She needed to regain control.

"You have potential," he patronized. "Too bad you'll never live to fulfill it."

Raven felt the magic gathering around him. The dark energies caressed her like a lover. They called to her, called to her blood, to her demon aspects, tempting her with sweet freedom.

Didn't he understand? She couldn't be allowed to lose control. Everything depended on her control. Literally EVERYTHING depended on her control.

'Lord Darklydark', or whatever he called himself, drew near to her. Sinking to her knees, she shivered, caught between revulsion, and her body's desire for the darkness.

Control. She had to maintain control.

Time was running out. She summoned her formidable will, centered herself as best as she was able, and gripped at her magic...

…and slipped.

She reared back and roared with an inhuman voice, as her eyes glowed red, and waves of energy whipped off of her, cracking walls and pavement, splitting cars, and knocking Dr. DimlyNotGood off his feet.

Magic was taking control.

The still human, somewhat rational part of her mind fought a rising panic. She could feel the Magic, and all her more primal urges surging, taking over, molding her to its will.

There was no time to center herself, no time to exert control over her magic, but there was one weapon left in her arsenal, albeit one she didn't care to use.

She reared back, mouth open in a silent scream as her magic fought for control of her body. Summoning whatever control she had left, she swung her body, and smashed her head into the concrete in front of her.

Her vision grayed and swam, and all emotion fled, replaced by pure, sweet, all-consuming pain.

Nausea and dizziness warred with each other, as Raven tried to steady herself. As she sensed Lord Darkevil rising off the ground, she retched, and emptied her stomach on the sidewalk in front of her.

Frustration and anger threatened to well up in her. How could such a ridiculous popinjay have such real magic? She suppressed those rogue thoughts as quickly as they surfaced. She needed to find her center, that place without need or emotion, that place which would allow her to protect her friends.

_protect__Robin_

She ignored that voice inside of her. She couldn't afford distractions now.

"So," Lord Darkevil orated, "the little kitten has claws. Magic too. Dark magic, and powerful at that. Too bad you are suppressing your true self, or I might really be in danger. Too late now."

Raven felt his magic gathering again. This time he was summoning even more power, intending to end this once and for all.

There was no time. She had to center herself. She had to protect them.

_protect__him_

"My name is Raven," she said. "I am the daughter of Trigon, and I..." she grit her teeth, "am in CONTROL."

With that, she locked into her center. It was a more powerful experience than she'd ever felt previously. It was as though a hole had opened in her mind, and the universe poured itself into her skull.

It was literally indescribable.

Her body went limp and she sagged to the ground as understanding flooded her being.

"So you've given up, have you?" the maniac mage sneered. "I don't blame you. When face with my greatness, nothing... can..." the tapered off as Raven's body rose off the ground.

Raven's 'soul self' surrounded her physical form, taking the shape of her namesake. Her body hung loosely within the bird-form, as if hanging on a hook. Her head lolled back limply, and her eyes stared, unseeing.

Fearful, the villain sent his building magical attack at the hovering form. The large concentration of dark magic struck the bird-form, but dissipated harmlessly. His face paled noticeably.

Raven, for her part was amazed. She stretched out with her senses, taking in the world around her, all the while holding her physical body safely inside her. It wasn't as though she needed it now, it was simply where she kept her magic when she didn't need it, but it was a nice thing to have handy.

Observing the now shaking villain before her, she struck him casually with a pulse of force. It had no color or form. It didn't shoot from her and strike Lord whatshisname. It simply was. It was simply Force.

The villain crumpled to the ground from the impact. The impact wasn't terrible or vicious, it was simply implacable. It communicated quite clearly and firmly that it was not a good idea to resist. Another pulse of Force drove him flat to the ground.

The hovering Raven form neared the frightened foe.

_You __are __a __fool __to __place __your __trust __in __dark __magic__._

Neither Raven's tongue nor her lips moved. The air around her resonated with the thoughts she wished known.

_The __magic __cares __nothing __for __you__, __and __will __dispose __of __you __once __you __are __no __longer __of __use__. __I __know __this __better __than __most__. __I __am __truly __the __daughter __of __Trigon__, __but __I __take __no __pleasure __in __it__. __He__, __like __the __magic __he __represents__, __would __have __destroyed __me __once __my __purpose __was __fulfilled__._

The prone dark magician snarled, and attempted to lunge at her before another instance of Force knocked him back down.

Raven looked with her unseeing eyes, and realized that not only could she see the threads of the universe winding about her, she could manipulate them.

_I__'__m __going __to __do __you __a __favor__. __I__'__m __going __to __relieve __you __of __your __burden__. __Rejoice __that __your __life __will __be __spared__._

With that, she willed the threads binding him to the dark magic to unravel. His body shook, and he cried out in anguish.

When she was done, there was nothing left but a normal human being.

"What did you do to me?" he demanded.

_I__'__ve __given __you __a __gift__. __I __don__'__t __expect __you __to __ever __fully __appreciate __what __I__'__ve __given __you__, __but __I __will __tell __you __that __I __envy __you__._

With that, she let go.

Her body crumpled to the ground into a lifeless heap.

"Raven!" Robin shouted as he staggered over.

"I'm fine," she assured him.

She tried to push herself upright, wrists and elbows jelly-like, and refusing to cooperate. She only succeeded in scraping her wrists on the coarse concrete sidewalk.

"Here, let me help you," Robin demanded.

"No! I can do it. Did you see?!" she asked. "Did you see? I did it! I was one with the magic!"

The other Titans were gathering around her.

"Yeah, we all saw," Beast Boy said. "That was some scary stuff Raven."

"Scary?" she asked, agog. "It was _wonderful__!_"

She attempted to push herself up again. Her elbows buckled, and she pitched forward into Robin's ready arms. Effortlessly he lifted her, cradling her like precious cargo.

"Come on, hero. Let's get you home."

With that, they left, ignoring the wailing figure they left behind.

Morning saw an enthusiastic Raven at the breakfast table. She glided to the table as if floating on air, though she made sure to keep her feet firmly on the floor.

"Geez, Rae-Rae. You're sure chipper this morning!" Cyborg teased.

"It is glorious to see, friend Raven! What prompted your cheerfulness?" Starfire asked.

"Oh, nothing, really," she dissembled.

"Uh huh. Nothing." Robin said from behind her. "This has nothing to do with yesterday, right?"

Raven turned and shot a dirty look at him. He smiled impishly, and continued on his path to the refrigerator.

Raven grimaced.

"OK, maybe it does. I was in complete control of my magic and myself last night. It was the culmination of all my meditation and work. Why shouldn't I be happy about that?"

"Calm down, Rae. We're just giving you a hard time." Beast Boy grinned over his tofu waffles.

She sniffed at him derisively. The great 'set Raven up with Robin' conspiracy still irked her.

"I'm going to go meditate," she announced aloofly. "Try not to destroy anything while not under adult supervision." She gave Beast Boy a hard look, turned, and swept out of the room.

Soon she was on the roof, sitting cross-legged, and breathing deeply. She couldn't like to herself, she _was_excited. It made centering herself more difficult. Try as she might, impatience and nervous energy buzzed under her skin. Everything she'd ever worked for was fulfilled in that moment, and she ached to recapture it.

Breath in.

None of it mattered if she couldn't calm herself.

Breath out.

Relax, center, contract, and expand. That was the way, just like she'd practiced a million times.

Breath in.

Breath out.

"Raven! RAVEN!" an insistent voice shouted.

She opened her eyes. Well, she tried. They resisted, as though glued shut. The did open, though more slowly than she would have liked. Her vision swam before her, showing only colored blurs rather than her trusted friends. The huge greyish blur could only be Cyborg. The green one had to be Beast Boy. Between the other two skinny blurs, she assumed the nearer one was Robin.

She must have meditated for longer than usual. Her muscles screamed in protest as she began to move. She opened her mouth to assure her friends she was OK, but only a croak came out.

"Water," Robin's voice commanded.

The green blur which was starting to look more and more like Beast Boy sprinted off like a cheetah. He may actually have been a cheetah. Raven couldn't be sure.

Raven made a motion to stand. Strong hands caught her as she merely flopped to the side.

"Easy, Raven. You scared the crap out of us. What were you thinking meditating all night?"

All night? What did he mean 'all night'? She'd started meditating in the morning.

She croaked again, fear induced sweat prickling on her back.

"Here," she heard as Beast Boy appeared beside her.

A glass was raised to her lips, and she gulped the cool water hungrily.

Again she tried to move, her stiff limbs protesting. The strong hands supporting her, Robin's hands, helped pull her upright into an unsteady standing position. He pulled her against his side, and put her arm around her neck to support her weight.

"What do you mean 'all night'?" she finally croaked out.

"Nobody saw you after breakfast yesterday," Robin explained. "When you didn't show up for lunch, we all thought you just wanted to be alone. When you weren't there for dinner we worried, but you didn't answer your door. When you weren't at breakfast this morning, we panicked.

"It can't be," Raven protested, "I can't have been up here that long."

"You were, Raven," Cyborg maintained. "You're starting to make a habit of scaring us."

"No. It can't be."

"You were, Raven," Beast Boy confirmed. "I don't know why you're-"

"I COULDN'T DO IT," Raven cried. "I couldn't do it again. I don't know how I gained all that control, all that magic."

Raven sobbed. She was losing any semblance of control. She shut her eyes, blocking out the images of her friends. She just wanted to hid, to flee, but in her present condition, even that was denied her. Emotion, mainly shame, welled up within her, but her magic was strangely absent.

She was spent. She felt strangely abandoned, even amongst her friends.

"How could I have been meditating all night, but never reach that?"

Tears trickled down her face. She couldn't look at her friends. She'd failed, and she couldn't face the pity in their eyes.

"It's OK, Raven," a soft voice said into her ear. Robin's voice. "You can always try again, but for now let's get you something to eat. You've been up here forever."

She opened her eyes and looked at him. Their faces were very close. Raven was suddenly aware of what state she must be in; a limp rag doll, red-faced and awful, probably even smelly having been up here for 24 hrs. She'd even come up here before showering yesterday morning. Gods and demons, she must reek!

"Robin, please, just take me back to my room," she asked.

"Not till you've had food."

Robin looked to his companions.

"I've got this, guys."

Looks were exchanged, and her friends left wordlessly, leaving her alone with Robin.

"Onward toward food!" he exclaimed.

Slowly, with Raven trying her best not to trip Robin up, they began lurching toward the door.

"Robin, please. I'm not hungry, and I probably smell terrible."

"You need to eat. Besides, you don't know me as well as you think if you think a little BO will stop me," Robin said heartily. "I've been basted in my own juices, I've chased Slade through the sewers, and I've spent hours stuck in a dumpster looking for clues.

Raven chuckled despite herself.

"Yeah, but that was you, not me. It's like how women aren't supposed to pass gas or sweat; they dew."

"Well that's silly," Robin countered. "How are we supposed to have equal rights if a woman isn't free to rip one once in a while?"

"Hey, I don't make the rules," Raven shot back, "I just hide in my room and dwell on the inconsistencies."

Robin chuckled in response.

"Well, at least you have a plan," Robin said, his chuckle becoming laughter.

"Hey," Raven retorted, her own chuckle forming, "I gotta be me."

At that, both Titans broke down and the conversation devolved into howling laughter.

As the teens both regained control, Raven became acutely aware of how close their faces were, of her arm around his neck, of her side pressed up against his.

She looked into Robin's eyes.

"I missed this." he said softly.

"Huh?" Raven said dumbly.

'Smooth, Raven', she thought to herself bitterly.

"Talking with you like this. You haven't been truly open with me lately," he clarified.

"All because of my bump in power. My empathy is getting so strong I can't always tell _my_emotions from everyone _else__'__s_."

"And now?" he asked.

"Now I'm exhausted. On top of that, I'm so spent I feel like I have no magic left. I'm so spent I don't think I could hide my emotions if I wanted. I feel... brittle, like glass. Like if you dropped me, I'd shatter on the floor."

"You think I'd drop you?" he asked.

Raven wasn't so tired as to miss the opening he offered. His face was so close to hers she could feel his breath. He was warm against her. She wanted to say it. She needed to say it...

"Robin... I L..." she stammered.

"Hmmm?" he prompted.

"I L... I... I'm really glad you're my friend," she said lamely.

"I'm glad you're my friend too," he responded amiably. "I'd really not want you as an enemy. I hear Dr. Light still gets nightmares."

They both chuckled as they entered the kitchen, however the conversation petered out. They sat in silence as Raven finished her meal, with Raven mentally kicking herself for causing an awkward atmosphere.

As she finished, she lingered; not wanting to end her time with Robin. Racking her brain for something with which to extend their time together, she remembered something.

"Robin..." She tentatively ventured.

He looked up from his glass of soda curiously.

"What ever happened with that... problem you had. Did you ever figure out what you were going to do?"

"I... Well, I took your advice, and I went and did something physical. It did help. Thanks. I... I'm still not sure what I'm going to do. I... I guess I"m scared," he admitted.

Raven looked into his conflicted face for a moment before she realized she wasn't feeling the emotions rolling off of him as she would usually. While it might have been cause for alarm, Raven could only relish the freedom from control and danger the respite from her empathy brought.

Still, regarding the matter at hand...

"I meant what I said before, about not giving you answers. It has to be your decision, your path to follow. Of course, that doesn't mean I can't help. If I asked you what the most important thing to you, what's the first thing that comes to mind?"

"My friends," he answered promptly, "the people I love."

"If you remain true to that, then you will never regret your decisions," she said, "Assuming, of course, that your answer was true."

Robin didn't answer. His eyes were clouded, and his face bespoke of contemplation.

"Then I'll leave you to it," she said, rising. "Good night, Robin."

"Raven," Robin said as she turned to leave.

"Yes?"

"Thanks. I'm lucky to have a friend like you," he said smiling.

She returned the smile, and left him to his contemplation. The emotion in the smile he gave her kept her warm for the trip up to her room. Even so, she felt strangely empty as she lay in bed waiting to sleep.

The next morning, Raven awoke refreshed, but unsettled. A quick check confirmed that her powers had returned in full force. Raven didn't know whether to be relieved or dejected, so she did what did best; she accepted it and carried on.

She ambled down to the kitchen to join the others for breakfast. The others kept their distance from her, obviously walking on eggshells after yesterday. It was endearing that they didn't want to upset her, but she knew it wouldn't last long. Her friends were too familiar with her little foibles to let her mood push them away for long. At the moment they were torn between giving her space and at not letting her get wrapped up in herself. Soon giving her space would get old, and she would be fair game again. For the moment, Raven let herself be amused at their antics.

Robin entered the kitchen.

Raven's breath caught. She tried to relax. Know your limitations, she thought.

"Feeling better today Raven? You slept all day and through the night."

Raven smiled. Robin was the last person who would let her get mopey.

"I'm fine, thank you. I think the sleep was just what I needed."

"Good. I knew you were too smart to let something like that get you down for long."

Raven blushed, feeling unsettled.

"We all have our 'issues', and we all have our ways of dealing with them. I don't claim to be better at it than anyone else here," she dismissed his compliment.

Robin harrumphed.

"If you say so.". Robin shrugged, turning his attention to preparing his breakfast.

Raven watched him go about his tasks, considering him for a moment. Even in his freshly awoken state, eyes slightly bleary, and sleep clothes rumpled, he was a handsome figure. His lean, sculpted figure stirred something in her, as did the muscles which rippled as he walked. Raven wondered if she really loved him. She supposed it really didn't matter.

She watched as he poured himself a bowl of cereal and sat to eat.

As she sat trying to watch him surreptitiously, there was a niggling sensation in the back of her mind, as though she had forgotten something... or neglected something. Something concerning Robin, she wondered? The only issue with Robin right now was... That's right. He still hadn't resolved his issues with Batman.

Raven stood and left the kitchen, acknowledging her friends in turn. She wanted to help her friend. When they'd discussed the problem initially, he'd made clear how little she really knew about him. It was true; she knew precious little about his 'real' life. Who was he when he wasn't Robin?

She stopped dead. She might actually have enough information to find out. Murder, death, children becoming orphans; these were frighteningly common things in Gotham these days... but a trapeze...

Her mind raced. Did she dare? Would Robin hate her if she investigated? Would he even care? Either way, this wasn't something she could to in the Tower. Even with the internet access, her searches could be monitored, outing her. No, this might actually be a job for... a library.

Raven rushed to her room to get dressed, and threw on her civvies. A pair of baggy sweat pants and an equally baggy hoodie with a pair of plain white sneakers made for a sufficiently shapeless and unidentifiable form. Checking to make sure she was satisfied with her appearance, she phased out of the Tower, not wanting to risk being seen leaving.

She walked calmly into the Jump City Public Library (Main Branch) and waited for her turn at a walk-up computer. When she had her chance to log on, she paused. Did she really want to do this? Something was missing... something was wrong...

She pulled up the search and thought. There, on the desktop, was a newspaper archive search perfect for her needs. She pulled up the software and entered her search terms. _Trapeze_. _Murder_. Strike that. Murder was too specific. Try _Death _or _Dead _instead. _Orphan_. 8-12 years ago. She pondered a moment before entering the next term. She knew Batman was from Gotham, but was Robin? Was that where it all took place? It was worth a shot. _Gotham_. That should be enough to start with. She initiated the search.

After all the agonizing and speculating, it turned out to be ridiculously easy. While Trapeze deaths were not uncommon, circuses and trapeze acts were becoming less so. After a few other reports of accidents and deaths... there it was.

_An equipment malfunction spelled doom for the trapeze act known as 'The Flying Graysons'. The husband and wife duo fell to their deaths while their young son Richard looked on._

There it was in black and white. Any doubt she had found her prey was removed when she saw the picture of Richard after the accident. There, in the picture, was an impossibly young Robin, clad in a leotard befitting an acrobat. There was no doubt at all.

She hungrily read the article, craving every detail about the young Robin's life.

_Richard's tragedy has pulled at the heartstrings of an unlikely source; fellow orphan..._

Energy crackled, and sparks flew. The library went dark. Wisps of smoke emanated from Raven's computer, visible in the dim light coming through the windows. Raven glanced around quickly before guiltily phasing through the floor and out of the building. She would have to scrounge what savings she had and donate them to the library for new computers. She couldn't believe she lost control like that, but she also couldn't believe what she say.

She knew who Batman was.

The thought was chilling.

Fear made Raven freeze.

She knew who Batman was. If he found out... what would he do to her? Robin said Batman was driven, implacable. What would that mean if he came after her? He could strike at any time! He could...

Raven forced herself to calm. She knew who Batman was, but he didn't _know _she knew. Besides, it wasn't like she was going to go up to Batman and say, 'Hey, Bruce, how's it going?' She didn't have to worry. As long as she remained calm and didn't tip her hand, he would never find out.

Slowly, forcing herself to take step after step, Raven continued her walk back to the Tower.

When she entered the tower, Raven found herself ravenous. She realized with some amazement that even she'd sat in the kitchen with the others for breakfast, she neglected to eat. Hunger drove her to the kitchen where the others were already gathered.

"Hey, Rae-Rae! How's my dark-girl?" Cyborg boomed.

Raven jumped guiltily, and a light bulb popped somewhere in the background.

"Fine," she said, rummaging in the refrigerator for food. "I made a quick trip to the library to find some books, but didn't end up checking anything out."

She looked at her options. There was the usual assortment of leftovers and aging food as well as a few packages that looked fresh. She wanted something fresh. She wanted MEAT.

"Huh," Cyborg grunted, "couldn't find anything to read?"

"Nothing jumped out at me," she responded distractedly.

There, on the bottom shelf, securely wrapped in white butcher paper, sat what smelled like raw beef. They were probably steaks, from the shape of the package.

"Planning a cookout, Robin?" She asked, head buried in the refrigerator.

"Yeah. I managed to score us some nice steaks. I figured we could have us a little party. I think we've earned it."

Raven reached out a hand and touched the white paper. Her mouth watered at the smell.

"That big huge library, and nothing to read?" Cyborg prompted.

Raven bristled from the interruption.

"I guess I just wasn't in the mood to read, really."

She could imagine sinking her fangs (teeth. she has teeth.) into the raw meat, and feeling the juices run over her tongue. Her mouth watered. She scraped the white paper with her fingernails.

"I guess not. Why'd ya go to the library anyway. You've got a room full of books!" Beast Boy chimed in.

Raven felt her temper rising. She struggled to bury it back down. She needed to leave the steaks alone. They weren't helping.

"Maybe I just needed to get out for a while," she said. "I can't imagine why," She nearly snarled to herself.

Her hunger was driving her to distraction. She needed to eat something quick. There was a tub with a suspicious looking something in it. Raven supposed it was some of Beast Boy's hummus. She hoped.

"C'mon Rae, really? You? Deciding to go out in the middle of the day? In broad daylight? Seriously?" Beast Boy pushed.

There were too many places that line of questioning could lead, and few of them good. Panic began roiling with the already waring hunger, frustration, and annoyance.

"What are you implying?" she demanded through clenched teeth. She stood up straight, closed the fridge, and turned.

There was a smirk on Beast Boy's face, but Raven would have none of it. She cut him off as he opened his mouth to answer.

"I went to the library. I don't need your permission, and I don't need you counting my books and making sure I've read them all before I get new ones!" Raven was seething. The hand not holding the tub was balled into a tight fist, talons (nails. I have nails, not talons.) cutting into the flesh on her palm. The other was beginning to crush the tub.

Her friends stared at her, eyes wide.

Fury clawed at her insides looking for an exit. Somewhere in her mind a voice told her how unreasonable she was being; how disproportionate her response was.

"Excuse me. I'm not feeling well. I'm going to my room."

Not trusting herself to phase, she walked as regally as she could manage out of the kitchen.

The tub was indeed filled with hummus, and it was a little dry.

-To Be Continued-


	4. Chapter 4 Corruption

Teen Titans and all associated trademarks are property of DC Entertainment Inc. and its parent corporation Warner Bros. Entertainment. They are used here without permission.

The Year of the Raven

Chapter 4

Corruption

Raven woke to the sound of the alarm going off. Although she had long ago accepted this as an occupational hazard (criminals never seemed to strike at a more reasonable late morning to mid afternoon), the sleepy disgruntled part of her mind idly wondered if being a Titan was worth the continuously interrupted sleep.

This was ridiculous, of course. Even if being a Titan wasn't the best thing that ever happened to her, or if it hadn't helped her forge the best friendships she'd ever had, better than she'd ever thought possible, her skillset wasn't appropriate for anything else. Just imagine the job interview...

'Hi, I'm a half-demon sorceress. I can phase through solid objects, and use telekinesis to move objects at a distance. I can also type 10 wpm using the illustrious 'hunt and peck' method. My strengths are my rigid self control and my intelligence, and my weakness is my desire to feast of negative emotions, and rend humans' souls. I'm available immediately.'

Raven groaned and rolled out of bed. For the first time in recent memory she craved coffee. She had to be tired if she'd let her mind wander that far, and now was craving coffee. Raven wondered if she could convince her friends to stop by a BigBucks™ on the way to this evening's (morning's?) crisis.

Raven lurched into the assembly area where everyone else was already waiting expectantly.

"It's Doctor Light," Robin said grimly.

"That old coot? What's he doin' back in town?" Cyborg grunted.

"Don't get cocky," Robin warned. "He's changed since we last fought him. Enough that I'm even considering calling Batman."

The others turned to stare at him in shock.

"If you'd heard the things he's done..." Robin's face was pale. "We're going, but just be careful. He's not the same Doctor Light we knew."

"Fine, let's just get going," Raven said. "We just need to make a stop on the way."

The Titans arrived at the scene, fanning out to surveil the area. Raven hung back, nursing her BigBucks™ groß coffee. The coffee might have been a mistake. She was more awake, certainly, but that caffeine was making her mind buzz, her skin tingle, and was generally making her edgy. She felt her thoughts and emotions swirling beneath the surface, and silently tried to rein them in. All the while, the song rang in the back of her mind.

They didn't have to look far. Dr. Light stood as an immovable object in a sea of chaos. He grinned madly at the panicked civilians fleeing from him. Then, as though guided by some _othersense_, he looked in their direction.

Raven saw immediately what Robin had talked about. Dr. Light stared at them, and there was madness in his eyes. Icy cold fear poured down Raven's back like ice water. There was no reason, no hesitation, no empathy there, only rage, sadism, and sociopathy.

"So nice to see you again, kiddies," he sneered. "I've so wanted to repay you for my previous humiliations. Now that my true powers have returned, I'll have my chance. Don't worry, I'll drag out your pain for as long as possible."

"We'll see," Robin spat back. "Titans, G-"

Then the world exploded.

A cacophony of light and color surrounded them, swirling and pulsing, and making it impossible to tell which way was up. Raven closed her eyes against the onslaught, but it did little to mitigate the effect. The energy was so great that it was hot against her skin, and so powerful Raven swore she could hear it roaring in her ears, deafening her.

Panic rose up inside her. She was blind, disoriented, and all but helpless. The song grew louder inside her, daring her to release control, and unleash her full might against him.

"Everyone, close your eyes!" Robin cried.

Raven was surprised she could hear him. Was the roaring in her ears real? Was it imagined? Was it something... 'else'?

"Beast Boy, can you sniff..." Robin halted as the team realized there was a retching sound from where they assumed the green changeling was.

"Cyborg, how are your sensors?"

"Not good, Robin." Cyborg's voice was heavily distorted. "He's throwing off radiation across the spectrum. Everything from microwaves to cosmic rays. My systems are scrambled. We can't stay here much longer, or we'll all be toast."

Robin sighed.

"Raven, it's all up to you."

"Me?" she squeaked.

"Can you sense him?" Robin asked, his voice rising in panic.

Raven would have face-palmed were she not so scared. She was an idiot. Dr. Light was confusing her physical senses, but not her _Othersense_, not her Empathy.

Raven took a deep breath, and tried to steady herself. Between the roaring in her ears, and the demonsong swelling within her, Raven could barely concentrate.

She reached out with her senses. She felt her friends around her, desperately trying to quash the fear inside them. There, farther off, could only be Dr. Light. His evil madness was an oily sickening taint. Raven gagged at the sensation.

Time was running out. She had to protect her friends.

"Azerath..."

Raven desperately tried to concentrate, tried to gather the magic within herself...

"Metrion..."

The demonsong was all-encompassing. The energy from Dr. light was burning against her face, and now he was laughing...

"Zinthos!"

Raven let go of the magic, launching it into an attack...

...and lost control.

Dark energy poured out of her as though emanating from every pore. The darkness tore through the color and light that her opposing supervillain was creating, knocking him off his feet.

The world returned vaguely to normal, and Raven used the respite to frantically try to regain control. She looked up at Dr. Light, who snarled back at her like a rabid dog.

"Not again. You won't do thattomeAGAIN!"

Raven watched helplessly, terror filling her as she saw his eyes, and sensed the power he was wielding, while her own power spun beyond her control. He reared back, and focused all his significant might on her.

Raven's power responded. It did not counter, deflect, or shield against the energy being directed at her; it consumed it. The darkness was hungrily eating the light and radiation bearing down on her. In fact, the more the darkness ate, the hungrier it became.

More and more energy, more power and fury directed itself against her, and more and more was absorbed into the void. All the while, the demonsong sang deafeningly in Raven's ears; no longer seductive, but mocking. The song mocked her, knowing it had won. It was in control. Raven had lost. Even if she could somehow regain control, she dared not. The all-consuming darkness was the only thing protecting her friends from this madman.

The energy increased even more. The darkness swallowed it, and craved ever more. Raven screamed with a voice that was not her own, a voice that scared her even more than Dr. Light, a voice like her father's.

And still the darkness wanted more.

It was then that Raven Understood. The terror she felt at her epiphany sent all rational thought out of her mind. Her bowels went loose, and her limbs, which she was only peripherally aware of before, went completely numb.

She was going to win, but she was damned, and they were all doomed. She was filled with the power of darkness, the power of her father's, but though she associated the power with her father, it didn't originate with him. He was only a symptom; he was an avatar, a harbinger. The true Power was older, larger, more alien.

Raven screamed again. She felt herself slipping away, the hungry darkness no longer content to eat the light and energy, it was now eating her. She was becoming the darkness. She, the Darkness, was going to win. It was predestined and inevitable. Just as the stars would die, and even black holes would eventually dissipate, she would win, because she was death. She was oblivion. She was Entropy.

Entropy.

As though the word itself had power, she felt her hunger grow even stronger.

She let her senses wander to Dr. Light. He was emitting even more energy, but it was no use. You couldn't defeat Entropy, only delay it. She pondered him sadly. They had both given up; she to her Power, and he to his. He was well past the point of no return. He was burning himself out. When he was burned out, when there was no more light to eat, the darkness would find something (everything) else to eat.

There wasn't even fear anymore, as though the darkness had eaten even that. There was only regret, that she had indeed been the cause of her friends demise after all.

Then something changed.

There was something Else. Another Power was there among them, a Power that was full of fury and rage.

The Power of this Other grew, filling Raven's Othersense with the scent of blood, and the impression of crimson.

It wasn't until Raven felt her head bounce of the concrete that she understood she had been attacked; attacked physically. She felt her magic waning with her consciousness, most likely due to the concussion she probably just suffered. A large fist smashed into the side of her face, bouncing her head off the concrete a second time.

As her _Othersense_ diminished, her vision, blurry with tears as it was, began to return. She looked up, and saw a huge blood red beast. She blinked away the tears, but felt her consciousness slipping fast. She looked up again, and there, green fur now a brilliant red, stood Beast Boy.

The words sprang unbidden to her lips. She scarcely knew what they meant, only that they were appropriate.

"Ave,Sanguineus."

With that, all went dark.

When Raven opened her eyes again, her head throbbing, and her stomach roiling, she found herself swinging, bundled in her cloak. The swaying motion was starting to have its way with her stomach.

"Put me down," she demanded.

"Raven, it's just us," she heard Robin say soothingly.

As if she hadn't figured that out.

"I know it's you. Please drop me," she urged.

"Raven, calm-"

"NOW." She commanded, using her best 'don't piss off the half demon' voice.

She landed with a unceremonious, and tailbone bruising thud.

Quickly she rolled over, and cleared her cloak from her face. She heaved, and coffee scented bile hit the ground.

"Uh, Raven… Are you-" Cyborg began.

"Leave." She couldn't bear to raise her head to look at her companions.

"Raven, we aren't going to leave you." Robin insisted.

"This is not the time for my friends to surround me supportively; this is the time for my friends to leave me the hell alone so I can sort things out." She heaved again, and more coffee scented bile was added to the growing puddle.

"I will be fine, I promise. Just, please, leave me for a while. I'll be back in the tower tonight, I swear."

"Raven..."

"Robin, I reek, I'm a mess, and I'm miserable, and everyone hovering around me and smelling how much I stink, and seeing how much of a mess I am isn't doing anyone any good. Now, please leave."

There was a hurt silence during which Raven sensed more than saw her friends leave. It was just as well.

"Ugh," she said to no one in particular.

She heaved again.

She felt miserable. She stank, she hurt, her mind buzzed with pain and magic, and spots danced before her eyes from Dr. Light's attack.

"Ugh," she said again.

Now the question was what to do. If she dared use her magic, it would be a simple matter. She could clean herself up, and whisk herself to the tower with barely a thought. Now, however….

"Gods and demons," she groaned. "How did things get so bad?"

No one answered, not that she expected someone to.

She risked looking up. Her vision swam from what was most certainly a concussion. Miraculously, she managed not to give another heave.

The first thing she needed was to clean up, even just a little. That probably mean a restroom of some sort. Preferably one that wasn't around too many people. Her cloak would hide most of her mess, but the smell….

Maybe a gas station? Did they even have restrooms anymore? If she found one, maybe she could find some insoles. It was going to be a long walk back to the tower.

* * *

PAIN

Raven woke.

FEAR

It was thick in the air.

RAGE

The emotions were intense, delicious, and nearby.

PAIN

Raven leapt out of bed, and made a beeline for the source, regardless of doors, walls, or other potential obstacles in this obnoxious 'reality'.

'who?' whispered a small corner of her mind. I hardly mattered. Even if it was Beast Boy, who saved her life; albeit by smashing her skull on the pavement.

What mattered what he was exuding those luscious emotions, and that Raven was going to eat his soul. That's all that really mattered.

She neared his quarters. So close now. She almost licked her fangs (teeth) in anticipation.

"FRIEND RAVEN!" an enthusiastic voice rang out, "I had intended to speak with you! What a fortuitous occurrence! What keeps you up this night, friend?"

Raven groaned to herself in frustration, and readied herself to phase away. Starfire, however, was too fast. She came upon Raven, and wrapped her in an unexpected hug before Raven had a chance to react.

"Now really isn't a good time, Star," she said. "There's something I have to take care of."

She had to get away. Beast Boy was so close. The emotions washing over her were driving her to distraction. She had to get there.

She struggled against Starfire's hug futilely.

Starfire's arms were like steel bars.

"I must speak with you on a matter of great importance, friend," Starfire whispered over Raven's head.

"Really, Starfire, now is not a good time." Raven struggled harder. She might as well have been trying to cut down a tree with a herring. Raven readied her magic. Nothing was going to keep her from her quarry.

"You haven't been meditating," Starfire whispered.

Fear ran down Raven's back like ice water.

She tried frantically to free herself. Magic was out of the question now. Her emotions were running wild. She'd probably end up killing them both.

"Let me go, Starfire!" she pleaded. "I don't have time for this."

"I am not alone, either. We are your friends, and we love you, but we are not blind. You were out of control the other day."

"Leave me alone, Star!" Raven shouted.

"I cannot. I love you too much to leave you when you are in need. Come. We will meditate together," Starfire said blithely.

"I… I can't," Raven almost wailed.

"Why not?"

"I… be… b-because it stinks of failure!" Raven sobbed.

"Ah." Was all that Starfire said.

Her arms tightened around Raven. They were strong as steel, but also soft, and they were comforting.

The dam was broken. Raven sobbed into Starfire's chest, held by the warrior Tamaranian.

When she started to slow, Starfire release her from the hug, but caught her wrist in an iron grip.

"Come, friend," she said, turning to walk, pulling Raven gently, but implacably. "I have been remiss in meditating, and I fear I have acquired some poor habits. As my teacher, perhaps you could demonstrate the correct method."

"Star…" Raven breathed.

"No matter what, you won't be alone," Starfire whispered. "You never were."

"How did you get so wise, Star?" Raven asked.

"I had patient and loving friends to help me learn," she said, giving Raven's had a squeeze. "Now come! The pupil is in need of instruction!"

Raven stared back at Beast Boy's room, this time with guilt. What would have happened if Starfire had not been there? Would she have come to her senses in time? Thank the gods for Starfire. Thank the goddesses for her friends.

-To Be Continued-


	5. Chapter 5 Respite

Teen Titans and all associated trademarks are property of DC Entertainment Inc. and its parent corporation Warner Bros. Entertainment. They are used here without permission.

The Year of the Raven

Chapter 5

**Respite**

Raven awoke feeling refreshed, clear-headed, calm, and knowing she was an idiot. She was also not alone, both figuratively and literally. Starfire lay in the bed next to her, snoring rhythmically. Raven must have been tired if she slept through that.

Gingerly she got out of bed, and sat cross-legged on the floor for her morning meditation.

She stretched out with her sensed, and felt truly centered for the first time in days. She still had a sense of not being able to see the whole picture, but she saw enough. She saw what she needed; she saw her place in the universe, and her place required to be centered and in control.

Control.

She'd been striving for control the last few days, but it was always out of her reach. She'd known why, but had been unwilling to accept it.

Again, she'd been an idiot.

She sensed Starfire stirring, and opened her eyes. She was not yet awake, but was nearly.

Raven stood, and walked to her mirror. Staring back at her was only her reflection. Her hair was a mess, and her clothes were rumpled from sleep, but it was her. There was no mocking smile leering back at her, no accusatory stare, only her. She'd avoided staring into her mirror for days, afraid of what she'd see. Now she was secure. She felt truly sane for the first time in days. Weeks, even.

"How long have you been awake, Friend Raven?" Starfire's voice was sleepy, but aware.

"A half hour maybe. Just long enough for some quick meditation." Raven answered.

Raven looked at her friend. Starfire was a true friend, and more giving than Raven deserved, but Raven could still be jealous of her. Even now, upon waking, Starfire hadn't a hair out of place, and while Raven's rumpled clothes made her look unmade, Starfire's made her look cute. It was maddening. Well, it would have been maddening. Having freshly meditated, it was merely slightly annoying.

"We should go join our friends for breakfast!" Starfire said, rising.

"This should be interesting," Raven mused.

"Why ever for?" Starfire asked, opening the door.

She walked out, looking at Raven for an answer, and bumped solidly into Cyborg.

He stared at her, and then at Raven as she also stepped into the hallway.

"Very interesting," Raven said.

"Uh… um… buh…" Cyborg stumbled.

"Good morning, Friend Cyborg! It is a glorious day!" crowed Starfire, giving him a metal-creaking hug.

"Uh... Morning, Star," Cyborg replied, brain finally engaging. "You seem awfully chipper this morning. Had a good night?"

"Oh, Yes!" Starfire effused. "Raven and I spent the night together. I have not slept that well in quite some time."

"Oh?" Cyborg asked. His eyes were wide.

"Starfire, perhaps we should continue this conversation in the kitchen. I thought you were hungry." Raven interrupted.

"Yes! Come, Friend Cyborg. Join us in the kitchen for our breaking of fast!"

Starfire hurried off in the direction of the kitchen, leaving her friends to follow in her wake.

"Somethin' you wanna tell me, Rae-Rae?" Cyborg asked as they watched Starfire disappear around a corner.

"In the kitchen," Raven said. "I only want to go through this once, and I want to see the look on everyone's faces. Yours was priceless."

"Uh..." Cyborg struggled to find words.

Once he came his senses he'd probably try to get her flustered, Raven decided. He would be disappointed.

Cyborg walked beside her mutely for a moment.

"I can't believe you slept with Starfire!" he finally burst out.

"Save it for the kitchen, Cy." Raven maintained.

Cyborg pouted, and they continued their walk to the kitchen in silence punctuated by Cyborg grumbling under his breath.

Everyone else was already in the kitchen, busy with their respective tasks. Robin was sitting with a cup of coffee, watching the others silently, while Starfire rummaged through the fridge. Beast Boy, however, was far from his boisterous self. He sat quietly, picking at his tofu without interest. His expression was dark and contemplative, a stark contrast to his still brilliant red fur.

"Are you OK, Beast Boy?" Raven asked.

He jumped at the sound of her voice, a panicked look on his face.

"'m fine," he mumbled, looking back down to his plate.

"You neither look nor sound fine," Raven said. "Do you need to talk?"

"'m fine," he repeated.

"Beast Boy, talk to me," Raven demanded.

"RAVEN AND STARFIRE SLEPT TOGETHER!" Cyborg yelled, unable to contain it.

All conversations stopped.

"Rae? Star?" Robin said questioningly.

"Yes, Robin?" Starfire replied innocently.

"Did you two really sleep together?!" Beast Boy asked, eyes wide as saucers.

"Yes, why?" Starfire asked.

The problem with Starfire was not that she was stupid, on the contrary, she was quite intelligent. She was also not, despite appearances, naïve. The problem was that she was frustratingly literal. Euphemisms confounded her. When speaking to Starfire on any matter, the key was to be explicit and literal.

The boys' eyes were all upon them.

"Starfire," Raven said gently, "they mean have we been 'intimate'."

"But we have!" Starfire maintained, "We were most intimate last night."

Literal, explicit, and _specific_.

"Physically intimate," Raven corrected, "like you and Robin."

"Oh." Starfire said.

She paused a moment in thought. A momentary flash of understanding passed across her eyes, and her face went a bright shade of maroon.

"OH! I-it was nothing like _that_! We simply talked and slept! We didn't… didn't…" she hesitated.

Raven turned to the others.

"Does that satisfy you?" she asked.

Cyborg looked disappointed. Robin just looked amused. Beast Boy… Beast Boy was gone. Raven frowned. She would have to do something about him.

The rest of breakfast continued as normal, with small conversations moving about the kitchen. Raven, for her part, remained mostly quiet. She spoke when spoken to, but mostly she thought. There was an odd sense in the tower, even beyond Beast Boy's troubles, though that was, indeed, part of it. There was something in the air. A sense of dread. A sense of time running out. She couldn't quite put her finger on the source. She looked over at Robin….

Robin. His decision. His dilemma. That was probably it. She'd been remiss in following up with him because of her own struggles. She needed to rectify that. Not only that, but she had something else to admit to him.

"Robin," Raven called.

"Hmm?" Robin looked at her.

"There are things we need to discuss. I have it on good authority you like sushi. If nothing comes up, would you please come to dinner with me? I'll treat."

Raven noticed Cyborg and Starfire exchanging startled looks out of the corner of her eye. She pointedly ignored them. They weren't important right now.

"Uh, sure, Raven. I'd love to."

"The usual time?" she asked.

"Yeah, sure."

"Good." Raven picked up her dishes, rinsed them, and loaded them in the dishwasher, being careful to betray nothing. Calmly she left the kitchen for her room. She needed to meditate, and she needed to now. This evening was going to test her resolve, but it was necessary. Hopefully she wouldn't screw it up.

* * *

"So, should we just do one big sushi platter, and share?" Raven asked.

"Sounds good to me," Robin answered.

"We'll do that then… and a spicy California roll," Raven told the waitress.

The waitress hurried off, leaving Raven and Robin to themselves. It was odd, Raven decided, sitting here with Robin, both of them in their civvies. Under other circumstances it might even feel like….

"You know, I don't usually let the girl buy on a first date," Robin interjected.

"This isn't a date, Robin," Raven corrected.

"Isn't it?" countered Robin. "Just the two of us, sharing sushi in a restaurant?"

"This isn't a date," she repeated. "It's an apology."

"Is that why you're being so cold? It's pretty poor grace for an apology," Robin said. "Not that it would be better for a date."

"I'm not intentionally being cold," she replied, "I'm controlled. My emotions are better controlled than they've ever been."

She paused as the waitress delivered their food.

"Regardless, I still must apologize," she said.

"For what?" Robin asked. "Oh, that thing with Dr. Light?"

"In part."

Raven closed her eyes and took a steadying breath.

"Robin, after that run-in with Lord Moldy-Dark, or whatever his name was, and that all night marathon meditation…"

"Yes," Robin prompted.

"I stopped meditating. Every time I considered it, I felt like I was choking on failure. I'd tasted what I'd wanted more than anything; to be one with the magic without having to worry about emotion or losing control, and not being able to recapture that…"

She paused and steadied herself. Despite what she hoped was a calm exterior, her heart was racing, and her palms sweating. She briefly considered a run to the women's room to meditate for five minutes. It would probably be bad form.

"I don't know if I was trying to convince myself I didn't need it anymore, or if I was in denial about my failure. I doesn't really matter. What mattered was I was losing control. That all came to a head with Dr. Light."

"Raven, I know you feel bad, and you made some mistakes, but you don't have to apologize. You didn't hurt anyone, and you came to your senses. I'd call it all good."

"I nearly hurt people, and you have Starfire to thank for me coming to my senses, but you are correct. However, there is something else I need to apologize for. I… I betr… I did something I shouldn't have."

Robin looked at her curiously.

"I betrayed your trust" she blurted out. She hunched down in her seat. That came out louder than she'd intended.

"What could you possibly have done to betray me?" he asked.

"When I went to the library, I… I d-did some research."

Robin only looked confused.

"Robin, I know who you are!" she said, her face reddening.

"What do you mean?"

Raven kept her voice low.

"I researched… and came upon a boy named Richard Grayson."

Robin gaped at her.

"Robin… I… I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have pried, but…"

To her shock, Robin burst out with laughter.

"Oh, the old man is going to have a heart attack!" he howled.

Raven's jaw dropped.

"You're not upset?!"

"I was for all of two seconds," Robin answered. "Honestly, though, I should have told you years ago. All of you, I mean. You are my best friends, and I shouldn't have kept this from you."

He chuckled and wipe away the tears forming in his eyes.

"In fact…"

He reached up, and fingered his mask, his ever-present mask which Raven had never seen him without. There was a running joke in the tower about Robin even sleeping in it; a joke which always held a bit of worry behind it, because the Titans weren't sure it wasn't the truth.

Robin removed the mask, and tucked it in his jacket pocket.

"Apology accepted. Now, let's eat, and continue our date."

"Robin…" Raven breathed in a hushed whisper.

"Raven, I haven't been on a date with a pretty girl in far too long, and even longer with someone I care about as much as you. Let's just enjoy it."

Raven stared at him, blushing.

She assumed the sushi was delicious, but she didn't remember tasting it.

* * *

"So," Raven said as they approached the tower, "did you ever come to a decision on your argument with Br… Batman?"

Robin frowned and turned to look at her.

She looked into his eyes. His bright, clear eyes. It was so jarring seeing him like that. She wondered if she would ever get used to it.

"Not really," Robin answered. "Honestly, I feel like I'm missing something. I can do one of two things, and they both suck… and I can't get over the feeling like there's a third answer… I just can't figure out. I'm running out of time."

"What are your two solutions?"

"One, I do what he wants, and go back. The tower may or may not get shut down, and the team may or may not go on without me. Either way, I leave my friends in the lurch. Two, I stay. Batman shuts off the money, we close the tower since we have no backing, and try to struggle on, and maybe end up splitting up anyway."

"You are correct, both those options do indeed suck."

Raven thought.

"Robin, I've tried not to give advice, and let you handle this on your own, but now it affects the team. I have two things to say. First, you MUST tell the team. Let them be part of the decision, or they will never forgive you."

Robin nodded.

"Yeah, it's past time I told them. Past time for a lot of things, I guess. And second?"

Raven hesitated.

"The second thing is more… non-traditional. You know about my mirror…"

"Yeah, Beast Boy told me about he and Cyborg falling into it."

The pair entered the tower, and headed toward the common room.

"I can temporarily key the mirror to you. We can go into the mirror and see if it provides insight."

Robin's jaw dropped.

"You can do that? You would do that for me?"

"Just this once. But think about it before agreeing."

"Raven, I'm touched…"

"Robin, **STOP**."

Robin halted mid step, taken aback.

"Robin, that mirror is a reflection of your inner self. It holds everything you do, all your hopes and dreams, all your fears and all your darkness. You will see in that mirror anything you might be repressing. You will actually be in danger if you enter. The only way I can let you go is if I go with you."

"Raven," Robin whispered, "you're scaring me a bit."

"Gods and demons, I hope so. I have spent my life thus far rooting and coming to terms with every dark impulse, every fear, every jealousy I have. I haven't been able to do this because I'm stronger than you, or better. I've done it because I had no choice. Simply neglecting to meditate, and letting some fear of failure fester almost killed us all. You've never had that burden. No human has. As a result, their… _your_ dark emotions are simply repressed. Hidden. It's natural for you. You've done it all your life. Everyone has. This mirror will show it to you. It will show you just how much darkness you hold in your heart, and I have to be there with you. I will see it too. Do you understand?"

"Raven… will it really be that bad?"

"Worse," Raven answered grimly. "It doesn't just show you your darkness, it will also _twist_ it, and _amplify_ it. You will see your darkness made manifest, and taken to the most extreme conclusions. Can you imagine your obsession with Slade amplified? How far would you have gone to capture him? Would you have watched him murder a friend for a chance to snare him? Would you have imprinted his brain patterns on your own to help understand him? Be prepared to see just that, and more. Do you think you could do a better job than Batman? Are you prepared to see yourself murder him, and take the cowl for yourself? And what's worse is I have to see it too. I have to be there to see it all."

Robin's face had grown increasingly pale, to the point he now looked like a ghoul.

"If there's really so much danger, why should I do it?" he asked.

"If you have the strength to accept that all that darkness is part of you, and I know you do, then it will have no power over you. What's more, you will be one step closer to understanding yourself. When you truly understand yourself can you make an informed decision regarding not just what you want, but what you really _need_."

"What I need," Robin repeated, thinking.

"What you need to grow. To find fulfillment. To reach your potential. You, Richard Grayson, are a flawed human being, filled with brilliance and pettiness, facing great successes and crushing failures. I envy you."

Raven shut her mouth with a snap and looked away, her face feeling like it was on fire.

"So… tonight then?" Robin asked.

They slowly resumed their walk.

"Tomorrow would be better. I need time to prepare the mirror, and there's something… else I need to do."

"Beast Boy?"

Raven started when Robin said his name, cursing silently. Of course Robin would know. He was too observant, too close to the team.

"I think he'll feel better after I talk to him," assured Raven. "Getting him to let me will be the problem. I may have to be direct."

Robin grimaced.

"Just don't leave any scars. Physical or emotional."

"I'll do my best, but no promises."

They entered the common room, and found their friends waiting there.

"Rae, Rob! How was your..." Cyborg began. The words died on his tongue as he stared at Robin.

The other Titans turned to stare at him, mouths agape.

Robin looked back at the rest of the team in confusion for a moment before realization filled his eyes. Absently, he fingered where his mask should be for a second before smiling broadly.

"Hey, guys!" he returned cheerfully. "Y'know... you can call me Richard."

-To Be Continued.

A Quick Author's Note:

First, I would like to thank all those that have left reviews. Life had gotten in the way of my writing, and it was farther and farther from my mind. It was a review that came out of the blue that reminded my that I enjoyed this, and I needed to finish this story, so thank you very much!

Second, I fear that I may have to change the rating to M because of the next chapter. This is not because of anything explicit. I would never submit anything of that nature here. It is because while writing the next chapter it when somewhere dark on me. I've procrastinated on submitting that chapter for that reason, even going so far as to split this chapter into two instead of simply changing it without warning. I'm going to review the next chapter a few times, and see if I can revise it, but at this point is just seems to be where the story needs to go for several reasons. There will probably be two to three more chapters in the story before it is done.

Thank you again for your feedback and for reading.

Zeus_tfc (MTS)


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